Dark Night of the Soul

Well I am feeling more together and I am calming down abit. I have my Son's soccer game tonight and hopefully I can watch the whole thing. I have not been angry and I am getting along with everyone. I don't need any more anger hangovers. I would love some solitude to go fishing maybe on Saturday. I start a new position next Tuesday and I am hopefully putting this behind me. Life is a classroom and I am learning I can do little on my own without the holy spirit's help. I don't know my own self interest and my judgement is bad. My only function is to forgive and I have a hard time with that one it seems. I do want to be transformed and I am praying to the Holy Spirit for it. Please help me Lord and help me hear your voice. Help me to do just your will. Amen

Anger Hangover

I am having yet another anger hangover. I get angry about something and it just seems to explode from there. I then will end up feeling like crap from the guilt of feeling so angry. I get angry and then in a couple days I feel like crap. I stayed home last night and worked on a home theater PC project. I was alone and it was nice and quite and I did feel better. I need some more quiet time this weekend to calm down some. I think some of the anger is coming from work. This contract I am on is toxic for everyone that touches it. I don't blame anyone on the contract in particular. I blame the contract and I am getting off it soon. I have been listening to my zooom tunes to drowned out the chatter and toxicity. I feel used up with little energy to do anything at work. I have been fighting with my wife and that is not helping. I get mad when she keeps volenteering me for things. Especially now that I am so pissed off. This all robbing me of energy to accomplishing things in my life. I think I will have to go camoing this weekend to blow off some steam. I am certainly asking for the Holy Spirit for help and guidance. It seems like I have made a mess of things tying to do things on my own.

Sometime the hardest one to forgive is yourself.

First Day Blog

I have been feeling quite block from Gods presence. My job situation has been stressful and I am ready to quit. I keep going though. I think about what it says in the course that our judgement is impaired. We do not know what is in our best interested so I keep going waiting for god's plan for me. I was reading a book by Deepak Chopra and he feels god talks to us by inspiration. When we are inspired to do something that is God's voice. Joseph Campbell always said follow your bless was heeding gods call. I think I like Deepak's analogy better.